The Journey
by Monsters of NY
Summary: Brenna Carver has recently discovered that she is not straight, and is determined to see where these new feelings take her. There to help her navigate is Beth Kingston.


**Author's Note: **_Given how it seems like _Chasing Life_ will not be elaborating on Beth Kingston's not-straight sexuality anytime soon—a showrunner has been on the record interpreting the character's statements about having found women attractive as meaning, essentially "once kissed a girl and liked it, but still essentially straight"— I decided to write this, a short and rather unsubtle story where Beth not only asserts otherwise, but uses her experience to help out a friend who is just beginning to question her own sexuality—Brenna. _

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><p>Beth Kingston was ready to sleep for, like a million hours. Since she'd quit her job, her days seemed, somewhat counterinutively, to have become much shorter and busier. Today, she'd spent the early morning hours dropping off job applications, then a couple more hours at a sewing class with awesome Ms. Yokohama—she was really coming along, if she said so herself—and then she'd spent the afternoon with April and her support group friends, in an outing that had been both intensely fun and intensely draining.<p>

And then her phone rang. Brenna. Beth steeled herself for the bad news. "It's me. Is April okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine," came out Brenna's voice, exuding no particular urgency.

Beth let herself breathe again. "Oh, thank God. How are you?"

"A bit tired. Long day. Sorry to make you worry."

"It's fine." Now that she knew things were okay, enthusiasm replaced tension. "So what do you want to talk about?"

"Well, I got back from Florida today, and I was wondering if I could talk to you about something."

"Of course, darling! Anything you want."

Although Beth had always liked Brenna, she had recently become especially protective of her best friend's sister. It wasn't easy dealing with a loved one's cancer—she herself was struggling—and especially since Brenna had not too long ago lost her father. What's more, Brenna appeared to have recently discovered that she liked girls, something that while considerably less fraught than leukemia (at least in Brenna's particular case) still presented its own share of challenges, particularly since Brenna also liked and dated boys. As someone who had sailed those waters once, Beth felt that she had an obligation to help make the younger girl's journey as smooth as possible. Plus, the girl that Brenna liked, Greer, was capital-A Adorable, and if Brenna wanted to date her, Beth wanted to help make that happen.

"Well, I was with Greer and we were hanging out with some people we met there. They asked if we were lesbians."

"Uh-huh. Go on," Beth said, smiling. Brenna was being tight-lipped, but Beth felt she could pick up on most of the subtext. "Some people" was code for "people I shouldn't be hanging around with", and although normally she'd give Brenna a talking-to about things like that, the fact that she was home safe meant it could probably wait. More important: Brenna was hanging out with Greer (!) and being asked if she was a lesbian (!), which meant she had been doing things which might make one think she was a lesbian (!).

Brenna continued. "Well, Greer said she was—you know how she is. I...I didn't know how to answer."

"And that bothers you?"

No answer, which was answer enough. Oh yeah: Beth very much remembered these waters. She'd been just out of high school and with several relationships with boys under her belt when she had first met her Greer. Good times, especially now that distance had worn away the sharper edges.

"Well first of all, you know you don't need to answer, right? Particularly if you feel unsafe."

"It wasn't like that—the people I was with were pretty chill. It's just...Greer knows. It's easy for her."

"Well, have you talked to her about it? It's easy for her now, but maybe it wasn't always. You _just_ started figuring things out."

"I know...it's just..." She seemed to be debating her next words—also familiar.

Beth decided to take the initiative. "Listen Bren. I'm bisexual. It took me years before I realized that—years of just wondering how I was supposed to feel before I'd be able to call myself that. After I first hooked up with a girl, I spent days going over my old relationships with guys, and wondering if what I'd felt for them was real, or if I was just in denial about being a lesbian. Then I dated boys again and did the same thing about my feelings for girls. Then I worried what it meant that I liked more guys than I liked girls, and how maybe that didn't make me 'really' bisexual. When I decided that I was, it was partly so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore—so I could say 'I am what I am and screw everyone else'."

But that's me—my journey. Yours may be like mine. It might be different. You told me you don't define yourself, and maybe you never end up feeling like a particular label fits. That's fine. Maybe you do, and that's fine too. Maybe you decide, and then change your mind. Also fine. I wouldn't rush it. You're doing fine."

"Don't rush. Got it."

"Now, you're sure you're into Greer? You want to kiss her and see her naked and take her to prom?"

"Oh yeah," Brenna said. Beth could just imagine her blushing face, clear as everything.

"Well then, if somebody asks and you want to answer, you can say you're not straight. It's true, and it means it's up to them to figure out what that means. You can also try 'queer', if it feels right. If somebody presses and you feel safe doing it, you can say it's none of their business. Does that help?"

"I think so. Thanks."

"No problem. Now, you've told Greer that you liked her, right?"

"Well...not _told_, exactly."

"Well, I want to know all about it."

The next few minutes were spent on a recap of Brenna's time with Greer, from their first kiss—which from the description sounded super-romantic—to the couple's time in Florida. As Beth listened, she found herself grinning ridiculously at no one in particular. As expected, Greer obviously made Brenna happy, which was fantastic; April's sister deserved happiness, and Beth was glad that she was brave enough to have thrown herself into the relationship headfirst. It bade well for the challenges she would inevitably go through, challenges Beth was intent on helping her friend face.

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><p>Brenna ended the call, somewhat bemused. She had been unsure about calling Beth: not only was her undefined state not a super-huge deal, talking with Beth about it would have meant sharing things the teenager wasn't sure she was comfortable sharing. Still, she was glad for the older girl's help and enthusiastic support. There was something about Beth...she had a way to make her feel good about herself and her choices. She was very much like Greer, in that way.<p>

As she prepared for bed, Brenna's mind wandered, and wondered: what would things have been like, without Beth's support? How long would it have taken her to be with Greer, or to even think about it, if Beth hadn't suggested it? Would it have happened at all, or would Greer have become that girl who had made her feel nice that one time? Sure, April was supportive, in her way, but it was a different sort of support. She couldn't imagine her sister suggesting that she date a girl. Beth _got_ things, sort of like April said her support group got things about how being sick felt. What's more, it had been Beth who'd come up with the idea of going to see _Pretty in Pink_, the place where she realized that those tennis-game feelings had not been a fluke, but something that Greer made her feel just by _being_.

Pushy or not, Beth was important, and Brenna felt like she owed a lot of her current happiness to her. Sure, things might have still turned out well in a world where the older girl hadn't been there, but that wasn't the world Brenna lived in, and that made her glad.


End file.
